currently procranstinating on: chem lab

i think i'm going to have to re-apply for citizenship since three invitations for the oath ceremony have been sent and returned to the INS. our fault for not telling them we moved. this is how dads think. who knew that government mail doesn't get forwarded along with regular mail. ok, well, maybe you did, but unfortunately we didn't.

spring semester is beautiful as always. maybe i'm only dreading that it will turn out like spring semester last year, but it's looking extra gloomy inspite of the gorgeous weather and pretty perfumes everywhere.

i'm not here. mentally. never here fully. i think to myself long and hard whether there was a time whether i was all here or not. was there a time when i didn't think that i'd eventually "wake up?" a time when i didn't think that the moment at hand wasn't really true?

operation "resolute sword."
my 15 yr old cousin in london is hurting about the occupation. one day he told me he's afraid terrorists are going to bomb london. he was so scared; said he might never see me again. he misses his parents, he misses us here. he asks how i deal with missing family for all these years. asks how i can laugh at life in the end. he says life is shit. he wonders where the good has gone. he wonders whether it can be fixed, and he asks such simple questions. i can't answer any.