the only way i can do well in these classes is to escape into the mountains and study there. the quiet. i need the quiet of the pygmy trees. i need to go back there. although, it's mighty inconvenient for my mind to need that kind of blissfull silence to actually concentrate. if there's music playing, swirls start forming in my mind and i have GOT to be an active listener. if people are walking around, i wonder who they are, what they are, what they're doing, and my mind wanders.

last week on sunday as we were coming back through berkeley back to civilization, the mere number of people overwhelmed us. and i realized that that's how i am in my natural state here. people just overwhelm me. they boggle my mind even when i understand them.

i was reading through my diary last night and i not only realized that lots of stuff is missing between the pages, but also that i should never read through my diary again, since it was soooooooo sad. i mean, sure, songs are sad, and poems, and quotes, but reading that shit is like re-living my own thoughts. aaack, i can't believe i actually got scared at reading my own diary. i mean i guess that's why you write this stuff down, so that you know exactly what happened. so that you're not dillusional in any way in the future. but mannn,...lack of dillusion comes at such a high price.

"the price was never right" "you're in it to win it" --ben