"A HARD RAIN'S A GONNNA FALL"

that song was going through my head all day yesterday. even before i burst into tears as someone asked me how i am. my mom called me to make sure i wasn't "getting distracted" by the election. she said this is the way it's always been. they got what they wanted, and that i should be glad they didn't cheat this time. she told me to make myself some tea. that she was grateful she has a job to busy herself with.

i remember the school she voted at in iran. i'd go with her sometimes, and i'd always think they were playing games. i thought they were all very silly. and yesterday, i missed that school terribly. not that the system is or was any better by any means. but late at night, one has to wonder what is it all for? to come here for what? i don't want to ask my parents the difficult questions anymore. questions i'm sure haunt them from time to time. i should keep in mind that they too are different people than they were ten years ago.

the tears weren't worth it. i know. makes me mad at myself as always. but they were for the lost faces that haunt my dreams. all those people fucked over because some three million people are too scared to look out their window. i can't help appolagizing to them. helplessly, sure. but still appolagies beyond any measure.

on the phone a month or two ago, reza told me that they'll come for me someday, and i'll be shocked. that i shouldn't stand around and watch. so tell me you, where should i go? my friends will never know what it's like to not be able to go back home.

and then it rained. hard rains. i was at work and marty asked if i needed an umbrella, i said no. so i walked in it for two hours. foolish of me to think it'd clean anything.

listen to "world war three" by bob dylan. these are quite the bob days ahead.