<Mountainous Heathen!>

~ Monday, February 21, 2005

try to hold on to

my desk is clear at last. it's something to get used to, as in i unconsciously try to clutter it with things that don't belong on it.

this weekend has been a series of quiet moments and rare concentrations. for once, the times that i did study were not wasted. i was focused and it wasn't forced. suffice it to say that i was not as quick as i would have liked to be, but at least i was doing something near it.

and now, today, the peace is broken. the people on the street trying to hold on to sunday afternoon were not only a day late, but sure signs that tomorrow the campanile will start chiming again. our roommates have come back.

our roommates have come back with their stories and noisy high school friends. it's not loud by any means. but the sound of silence is gone. our place is void of that sound snow makes when it wakes you up in the morning. and during the snow, i kept thinking of ways to hold on to the peace after the rain washes everything away. i wish i could invoke that concentration anytime i wanted. or if that's too much to ask for, then at least more often.

and of course the ending question with me is always the same. why do we try to do that? why do we want to hold something in our hand so badly? are we so silly as to think we can pick and choose precisely what we like about the world and wish for it to be there always? i used to be the queen of transience. i used to love the ephemerality in music, in artwork sometimes, even in people. the fact that in passing, in a split second of your thought, something was able to capture you and effect you irreversibly. why do i all of a sudden feel robbed after it is all done with and the sun comes out? it isn't as if i have forgotten. it isn't as if it was never there.

maybe it's like eating a very small amount of coffee heath bar crunch on a really hot day. you appreciate it so much, mainly because it's sooo good, and also because there's such a very little amount of it. if you have unlimited coffee heath bar cruch always at your side, never to leave you in peace, you'd tire of it eventually. and if not tired, you definitely wouldn't appreciate it as much.

posted by ...me at 6:35 PM

~ Thursday, February 17, 2005

why i'm lowsy

1. i'm getting sick and tired of having a weak immune system and it's all my own fault
2. i'm still sick
3. i won't get better as fast as i'd like
4. it was so windy today, i wanted to die
5. i can't drink any coffee
6. i can't take any walks
7. i have a tabkhal! for the first time ever in my life
8. my phone won't delete messeges that have been marked "deleted"
9. the review session i tried to go to was packed and completely useless
10. i just fell because i'm dizzy
11. my monitor takes up my whole face
12. i can't get a hold of my mom
13. i'm tired
14. the flowers inside the house are dying
15. the smell of sweetness outside is not comforting
16. midterms
17. amino acids
18. sugars
19. my back hurts
20. you have no back
21. my pine dried up like a raisin in the sun
22. i'm not being nice to my roomate

posted by ...me at 9:29 PM

~ Monday, February 14, 2005

bed ridden

i've been told that i should blog in my hours of delerium; that it's amusing, bemusing, and entertaining to say the least. and while it may seem like i was more gone last night than i am now, rest assured, it's still there.

although, all the realizations and epiphanies i had last night and all day today seem to dissipate just now that i try to put them down. i thought for a while that i should take sketchbooks and journals to bed so that i can jot down any that comes to mind, but then i realized that this is the eternal challenge anyway. to put it down in the neck of time. to forego the tea, the pills, and the cup of warm milk. to forego even the bathroom and the dreaded gargling of nasty saltwater.

it rained today and i ran from it. every drop surprised me for some reason, and when i came in at last, i realized how slowly and calmly it had been raining. inbetween wakeful sips of tea and conjested sleep, i thought how "cleansing" it would be to go outside and run around in the "clean" rain.

posted by ...me at 6:41 PM

~ Wednesday, February 09, 2005

wicked wednesdays

happy new year. last night being new year's eve, jenny and i went out in search of fish, because you have GOT to eat fish on new year's. just like ours'. i called my mom and told her about all the things you've GOT to do, and after each one, she promptly got excited and said, "just like ours!!" to which jenny replies, "see, everyone's chinese." :) i shake my head, my fist, and my ass. yes, in that order.

only an hour and a half left until jenny can be ANGRY again. she's been waiting patiently all day. in celebration, we'll drink coffee, or chrysanthemum tea. what, you don't drink chrysanthemum tea everyday?

today, i went to the library and studied for a long time. i was in a very productive mood. things made sense. curves had correlation at last. i had the voet and voet book, the stryer, and the lehninger book all in front of me. three generations worth of biochemistry. sina's was the most ochem-oriented one. if you get that one, i think the other ones just fall into place. i've been wrong to purchase textbooks all these years. all being two. this way is much better. you are FORCED to go to the library and study. there's no slack on book time, and you don't waste so much money. it's great. although, there is something to be said about keeping the textbooks you used in college, to which i say that when i "grow up" and "become rich," i will purchase all these textbooks in nostalgia, in reminiscence of these days.

calender finally sang in class. after all the anticipation and the hype, it wasn't so exciting. i mean it was ok, but it was no cigar. i thought he'd sing some popular song, but he sang a song about protein synthesis pathways, which wasn't very melodic. we laugh at him so much more when his voice cracks because he's laughing too hard. what a silly man.

i know i promised to write about pedi, but this entry is getting too long as is. thus, i will postpone him again until next time. i hope you can hold out.

posted by ...me at 9:36 PM

~ Monday, February 07, 2005

phases me

i'm waiting for the shower to open up.
lys is here, talking about his "general discourse on anger." he was talking about distressing issues concerning his friend. what i like best about lys is that none of this phases him. none of anything will ever get him bogged down too much to help. he won't ever be too broken to be of use. kudos to that.

shower open now. and i'm sure my typing is bothering these two. will write more later on pedi and other matters.

posted by ...me at 9:18 PM

mountainous heathen!
holly girl jennyman cyrus boyk sina boy robert reich honey jaan Prufrock If Afraid So Today's poem		~ Monday, February 21, 2005 try to hold on to my desk is clear at last. it's something to get used to, as in i unconsciously try to clutter it with things that don't belong on it. this weekend has been a series of quiet moments and rare concentrations. for once, the times that i did study were not wasted. i was focused and it wasn't forced. suffice it to say that i was not as quick as i would have liked to be, but at least i was doing something near it. and now, today, the peace is broken. the people on the street trying to hold on to sunday afternoon were not only a day late, but sure signs that tomorrow the campanile will start chiming again. our roommates have come back. our roommates have come back with their stories and noisy high school friends. it's not loud by any means. but the sound of silence is gone. our place is void of that sound snow makes when it wakes you up in the morning. and during the snow, i kept thinking of ways to hold on to the peace after the rain washes everything away. i wish i could invoke that concentration anytime i wanted. or if that's too much to ask for, then at least more often. and of course the ending question with me is always the same. why do we try to do that? why do we want to hold something in our hand so badly? are we so silly as to think we can pick and choose precisely what we like about the world and wish for it to be there always? i used to be the queen of transience. i used to love the ephemerality in music, in artwork sometimes, even in people. the fact that in passing, in a split second of your thought, something was able to capture you and effect you irreversibly. why do i all of a sudden feel robbed after it is all done with and the sun comes out? it isn't as if i have forgotten. it isn't as if it was never there. maybe it's like eating a very small amount of coffee heath bar crunch on a really hot day. you appreciate it so much, mainly because it's sooo good, and also because there's such a very little amount of it. if you have unlimited coffee heath bar cruch always at your side, never to leave you in peace, you'd tire of it eventually. and if not tired, you definitely wouldn't appreciate it as much. posted by ...me at 6:35 PM ~ Thursday, February 17, 2005 why i'm lowsy 1. i'm getting sick and tired of having a weak immune system and it's all my own fault 2. i'm still sick 3. i won't get better as fast as i'd like 4. it was so windy today, i wanted to die 5. i can't drink any coffee 6. i can't take any walks 7. i have a tabkhal! for the first time ever in my life 8. my phone won't delete messeges that have been marked "deleted" 9. the review session i tried to go to was packed and completely useless 10. i just fell because i'm dizzy 11. my monitor takes up my whole face 12. i can't get a hold of my mom 13. i'm tired 14. the flowers inside the house are dying 15. the smell of sweetness outside is not comforting 16. midterms 17. amino acids 18. sugars 19. my back hurts 20. you have no back 21. my pine dried up like a raisin in the sun 22. i'm not being nice to my roomate posted by ...me at 9:29 PM ~ Monday, February 14, 2005 bed ridden i've been told that i should blog in my hours of delerium; that it's amusing, bemusing, and entertaining to say the least. and while it may seem like i was more gone last night than i am now, rest assured, it's still there. although, all the realizations and epiphanies i had last night and all day today seem to dissipate just now that i try to put them down. i thought for a while that i should take sketchbooks and journals to bed so that i can jot down any that comes to mind, but then i realized that this is the eternal challenge anyway. to put it down in the neck of time. to forego the tea, the pills, and the cup of warm milk. to forego even the bathroom and the dreaded gargling of nasty saltwater. it rained today and i ran from it. every drop surprised me for some reason, and when i came in at last, i realized how slowly and calmly it had been raining. inbetween wakeful sips of tea and conjested sleep, i thought how "cleansing" it would be to go outside and run around in the "clean" rain. posted by ...me at 6:41 PM ~ Wednesday, February 09, 2005 wicked wednesdays happy new year. last night being new year's eve, jenny and i went out in search of fish, because you have GOT to eat fish on new year's. just like ours'. i called my mom and told her about all the things you've GOT to do, and after each one, she promptly got excited and said, "just like ours!!" to which jenny replies, "see, everyone's chinese." :) i shake my head, my fist, and my ass. yes, in that order. only an hour and a half left until jenny can be ANGRY again. she's been waiting patiently all day. in celebration, we'll drink coffee, or chrysanthemum tea. what, you don't drink chrysanthemum tea everyday? today, i went to the library and studied for a long time. i was in a very productive mood. things made sense. curves had correlation at last. i had the voet and voet book, the stryer, and the lehninger book all in front of me. three generations worth of biochemistry. sina's was the most ochem-oriented one. if you get that one, i think the other ones just fall into place. i've been wrong to purchase textbooks all these years. all being two. this way is much better. you are FORCED to go to the library and study. there's no slack on book time, and you don't waste so much money. it's great. although, there is something to be said about keeping the textbooks you used in college, to which i say that when i "grow up" and "become rich," i will purchase all these textbooks in nostalgia, in reminiscence of these days. calender finally sang in class. after all the anticipation and the hype, it wasn't so exciting. i mean it was ok, but it was no cigar. i thought he'd sing some popular song, but he sang a song about protein synthesis pathways, which wasn't very melodic. we laugh at him so much more when his voice cracks because he's laughing too hard. what a silly man. i know i promised to write about pedi, but this entry is getting too long as is. thus, i will postpone him again until next time. i hope you can hold out. posted by ...me at 9:36 PM ~ Monday, February 07, 2005 phases me i'm waiting for the shower to open up. lys is here, talking about his "general discourse on anger." he was talking about distressing issues concerning his friend. what i like best about lys is that none of this phases him. none of anything will ever get him bogged down too much to help. he won't ever be too broken to be of use. kudos to that. shower open now. and i'm sure my typing is bothering these two. will write more later on pedi and other matters. posted by ...me at 9:18 PM