<Mountainous Heathen!>

try to hold on to

my desk is clear at last. it's something to get used to, as in i unconsciously try to clutter it with things that don't belong on it.

this weekend has been a series of quiet moments and rare concentrations. for once, the times that i did study were not wasted. i was focused and it wasn't forced. suffice it to say that i was not as quick as i would have liked to be, but at least i was doing something near it.

and now, today, the peace is broken. the people on the street trying to hold on to sunday afternoon were not only a day late, but sure signs that tomorrow the campanile will start chiming again. our roommates have come back.

our roommates have come back with their stories and noisy high school friends. it's not loud by any means. but the sound of silence is gone. our place is void of that sound snow makes when it wakes you up in the morning. and during the snow, i kept thinking of ways to hold on to the peace after the rain washes everything away. i wish i could invoke that concentration anytime i wanted. or if that's too much to ask for, then at least more often.

and of course the ending question with me is always the same. why do we try to do that? why do we want to hold something in our hand so badly? are we so silly as to think we can pick and choose precisely what we like about the world and wish for it to be there always? i used to be the queen of transience. i used to love the ephemerality in music, in artwork sometimes, even in people. the fact that in passing, in a split second of your thought, something was able to capture you and effect you irreversibly. why do i all of a sudden feel robbed after it is all done with and the sun comes out? it isn't as if i have forgotten. it isn't as if it was never there.

maybe it's like eating a very small amount of coffee heath bar crunch on a really hot day. you appreciate it so much, mainly because it's sooo good, and also because there's such a very little amount of it. if you have unlimited coffee heath bar cruch always at your side, never to leave you in peace, you'd tire of it eventually. and if not tired, you definitely wouldn't appreciate it as much.

mountainous heathen!
holly girl jennyman cyrus boyk sina boy robert reich honey jaan Prufrock If Afraid So Today's poem		~ Monday, February 21, 2005 try to hold on to my desk is clear at last. it's something to get used to, as in i unconsciously try to clutter it with things that don't belong on it. this weekend has been a series of quiet moments and rare concentrations. for once, the times that i did study were not wasted. i was focused and it wasn't forced. suffice it to say that i was not as quick as i would have liked to be, but at least i was doing something near it. and now, today, the peace is broken. the people on the street trying to hold on to sunday afternoon were not only a day late, but sure signs that tomorrow the campanile will start chiming again. our roommates have come back. our roommates have come back with their stories and noisy high school friends. it's not loud by any means. but the sound of silence is gone. our place is void of that sound snow makes when it wakes you up in the morning. and during the snow, i kept thinking of ways to hold on to the peace after the rain washes everything away. i wish i could invoke that concentration anytime i wanted. or if that's too much to ask for, then at least more often. and of course the ending question with me is always the same. why do we try to do that? why do we want to hold something in our hand so badly? are we so silly as to think we can pick and choose precisely what we like about the world and wish for it to be there always? i used to be the queen of transience. i used to love the ephemerality in music, in artwork sometimes, even in people. the fact that in passing, in a split second of your thought, something was able to capture you and effect you irreversibly. why do i all of a sudden feel robbed after it is all done with and the sun comes out? it isn't as if i have forgotten. it isn't as if it was never there. maybe it's like eating a very small amount of coffee heath bar crunch on a really hot day. you appreciate it so much, mainly because it's sooo good, and also because there's such a very little amount of it. if you have unlimited coffee heath bar cruch always at your side, never to leave you in peace, you'd tire of it eventually. and if not tired, you definitely wouldn't appreciate it as much. posted by ...me at 6:35 PM