tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37294892011-04-21T20:40:02.555-07:00mountainous heathen!..........how dare yousamnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1931100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-86224174625508200122007-08-19T01:03:00.000-07:002007-08-19T01:17:41.910-07:00it'd be nice, i tell her. she asks what's the point, i'd wanna go to see someone, i'd never go to my hometown for siteseeing. but it'd be nice i say, to sit around, eat some faloodeh, eat some kharbeze that is sure to hurt your throat for at least 4 hours, to go to bazar vakeel, to come back, go to ab'bas ogha's for some god-knows-what spice and some ancient remody for split ends or cramps, go tosamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-37575607979431417132007-05-07T23:22:00.000-07:002007-05-08T00:16:22.433-07:00curly, ...straightthe playoffs are mighty addicting. especially for a girl who's itching to get addicted to something at a time when all she needs to do is focus and study. the least destructive thing to get addicted to is basketball if you think about it. everything else has dire health consequences, which is pretty counterproductive if you have to take tests every day and turn in papers left samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-37599912383706098262007-04-12T11:38:00.000-07:002008-11-15T03:30:05.730-08:00 i want this.samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-47463419396040835352007-02-22T23:41:00.000-08:002008-11-15T03:30:05.886-08:00the firetrailno matter where you go in the hills, it is called the firetrail. be you next to clark kerr, or up inside tilden. it is the trail that wraps around all the days and nights you've spent on it in mind or in spirit and tucks you in tightly around the feet, so that you have pleasant dreams of redwoods and fireants.my room is in a perfect state right now. not too clean,...pretty messy. notsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-24607447374714234182007-01-19T13:00:00.000-08:002007-01-19T23:28:42.100-08:00are you awake?my mom wakes me up by opening my door slightly, sticking her head in, and going, "samin..."...."ya, mom"...."are you awake"..."yes...now i am."..."ok, well....it's really late, it's half past nine" (it's really 8:30). then she proceedes to come inside and while i'm half sleeping, half awake,...she begins to look around my room and asks about any object on my floor, "what's that?"...samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-59905106164327735762007-01-12T14:18:00.000-08:002008-11-15T03:30:06.061-08:00you're on noticesamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1166823872815774222006-12-22T13:44:00.000-08:002006-12-22T13:44:32.830-08:00fair weathered friendswhat to say. i'm out of zero degree weather and into thirty degree weather. they tell me i walk around naked. they clearly don't understand what it's like to not feel your apendages, your digits, if you will.i love stamps, and i love writing letters. i also love tin boxes (and also tina, which is tin with an a on the end). so the three (without the parentheses) combined samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1163236554499419022006-11-11T00:55:00.000-08:002006-11-11T01:15:54.513-08:00leavingthe campus looks different every time i walk through it, mainly because i am different every time. i used to wonder how i will ever leave it, much like how i will ever leave berkeley or its people. but i see now that that is a mood point. the leaving is easy. in many ways, i've already left, i think. i've said my goodbyes already, though i haven't hugged any trees goodbye. my favourite samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1163053371072039912006-11-08T22:20:00.000-08:002006-11-08T22:24:02.746-08:00nature never did betray the heart that loved her. --william wordsworthsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1160936508958912292006-10-15T10:56:00.000-07:002006-10-15T11:25:00.236-07:00the phantom of liberty, revisitedwhat i'll do to avoid writing a paper...the most tedious tasks and the lamest chores become fascinating when i have to write a paper. so many books to read, so many pictures to take... and 'the sun' is sitting nicely on the ground just asking to depress me. and who can say no to that.since this is the semester of surrealism, i've taken an interest in watching my samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1159295932475284952006-09-26T10:36:00.000-07:002006-09-26T11:38:52.500-07:00hwy 1i'll never tire of these roads, however familiar they'll become.samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1158558075388143252006-09-17T19:46:00.000-07:002006-09-17T22:43:21.740-07:00DEAR WRITERS,in deciding whether to buy her a book or a movie, always side with the book. she could then hold it in her hands and feeeeel the pages. mmmm, books.my professor's books this semester will make me hate politics and any mention of them. it's only the middle of september, and i already can't stand reading his books. i have now turned to Edward Gorey's "The Unstrug Harp." i used to not samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1153074198053415532006-07-16T11:21:00.000-07:002006-07-16T11:23:18.070-07:00"I believe good poets borrow,great poets steal, and if only we'd stop trying to be happywe could have a pretty good time" from Poem: "Creed" by Meg Kearney from An Unkindness of Ravenssamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1146891224386943192006-05-05T21:32:00.000-07:002006-05-05T21:53:44.420-07:00scratchwork is preciousnow, what does that say about me? is what i find myself asking every two days. may is not the time to ask questions publicly. they must be written within the depths of diaries, of journals, napkins from pat browns, and on the margins and backsides of review sheets. if you can help it at all, they must not even be written down. they do nothing but aggravate, blow out of samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1144782703196721422006-04-11T12:06:00.000-07:002006-04-11T12:11:43.206-07:00every time i start writing here, i end up erasing the few lines i had down. maybe this time i will not.do you ever have those nights where you just look forward to the sunrise, so you can get up already. and then when it finally comes, you can't get up, not because you're sleepy, but because there's a bug gnawing in your brain, and you just can't figure out what it is. it's cold, but i woke up samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1142149138835973952006-03-11T23:10:00.000-08:002006-03-11T23:38:58.846-08:00i didn't know this but..."There are also several other traditions on this night, including the rituals of Koozeh Shekastan, the breaking of earthen jars which symbolically hold ones bad fortune; the ritual of Fal-Goosh, or inferring one's future from the conversations of those passing by; and the ritual of Gereh-gosha-ee, making a knot in the corner of a handkerchief or garment and asking the samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1141095401128029712006-02-27T18:46:00.000-08:002006-02-27T18:57:18.713-08:00plug for water and heroesapparently, in spring of 1984, when i was busy being born and fascinated by my hands--things i haven't stopped doing since--the African Country of Sudan was busy having the worst drought/famine episode in as long as the farmers can remember. it was so devastating, that they're still seeing the influence of it today, what with their high incidence of cholera, malaria, Hep samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1140934680316521232006-02-25T21:28:00.000-08:002006-02-25T22:18:00.330-08:00wheels on the busmr holland is a historical linguist, who dabbles in typology as well. he knows everything about the ancient world. or at least, what seems like everything to me. he asks us, "i've been telling you this for weeks now, but...do you believe it in your bones?" i shake my head only because i can't tell the difference between the sounds. he tells us that words like 'wheel' have samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1140154252400229152006-02-16T21:04:00.000-08:002006-02-16T21:31:19.993-08:00caminosi wonder when it is that i'm supposed to start growing grass. and no, that is not what kids are calling it these days. that was six years ago. i also wonder if other people's hair have as much fun as mine does. today, i was bouncing down my hill top, and it was so free and crazy. suffice it to say it's always had a mind of its own, but days like this make me appreciate the depths of the samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1139195772025161382006-02-05T18:49:00.000-08:002006-02-05T19:18:05.126-08:00clay poti'm so glad jenny's going to buy a house in the berkeley hills someday. suffice it to say that she'll have to be a millionaire, but that isn't a problem for her. this way we'll always have someone to visit in the hills.goal for this week is to get up at 7 even when i have no class. it shouldn't be too difficult, especially since every wednesday, you'll find me at the cheeseboard buying "samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1138861972855856252006-02-01T20:56:00.000-08:002006-02-01T22:32:52.913-08:00If you ever have trouble getting out of bed...remember that there's a whole world which was up hours ago: the cook that wakes up at 4 to be at work by 5, only to find a tiny post it on the door saying that his helper is out sick today, making the whole day go to hell even before the sun rises. the man telling you this today, in his nice coat and tie, goes down for a break only when the doctors samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1138253629677674432006-01-25T20:15:00.000-08:002006-01-25T21:33:49.686-08:00you can always trust a motherone of the things about going home is the intensity of the gap that is created between chocolates. at home everything goes downhill. not only do i not exercise there, the chocolate there is intensely richer, european, or both, which means it has a much higher content of cocoa butter. we here usually consume pretty low cocoa butter content in our chocolates. the drostesamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1137618964360648782006-01-18T12:54:00.000-08:002006-01-18T13:16:04.370-08:00me: do you ever listen to talk of the nation on the radio?jen: is that the name of a band or do you actually listen to the radio?moto for miami: come back to miami, we didn't mean to shoot at you!word of the week: auspicioussamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1134838981425027632005-12-17T08:47:00.000-08:002005-12-17T09:03:01.436-08:00and then there were twohave you ever heard of SnagIt? it's the greatest. in case you havent, it's this program that lets you take a "snapshot" of your screen at any point in time and lets you save it and stick it into any sort of word or excel document. it's a life saver, when you're sitting there trying to see how you can copy and paste a spectrogram into your paper. it's beautiful.the pg&e man samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1134265400387295032005-12-10T17:27:00.000-08:002005-12-10T17:43:20.396-08:00day in and day outthere's this trek mix at trader joe's that's called "nuts about chocolate and coconut." i swear by it now. it had bits of dark chocolate, cashews, almonds, and shavings of coconut. i recommend.has it ever happened to you that you miss someone so much that you start taking on their habbits? yes, like that movie, psycho. i mean, the guy missed his mom so much, he had to become hersamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1133740731897688392005-12-04T15:39:00.000-08:002005-12-04T15:58:51.910-08:00when days mesh into pinei just went to blogger.com, and the rolling update blog that says which blogs have been recently published said The Los Alamitos High School.... who knew we had a blog!? we being them, since god knows i do not identify those highrisers, and navyblue trims with any time period in my own life.anyhow, what i meant to say is that these are the beginnings of another end of termsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1133076752761838442005-11-26T23:33:00.000-08:002005-11-26T23:32:32.773-08:00i'm wearing a bracelet againi'm home for six days this thanksgiving; perhaps the longest i've ever been home not counting the big vacation times. i didn't really realize it's nearly a week until betty shockingly told me over the phone. and they say it's almost over. for me, it's really only halfway done.i got home on tuesday night, feeling guilty. "i was cruel, and i'm never cruel," she says in samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1131851878006740922005-11-12T19:18:00.000-08:002005-11-12T19:17:58.060-08:00the border between Greece and Albaniahave you ever heard of the mountain goats?"Everything that has ever befallen the universe, I have discovered, is written there, if onlyyou know how to read it." --Jeffrey Skinnermy hair smells like a campfire, and it isn't sure to come out until christmas. unless ofcourse, i get involved in another campfire before then, which is highly unlikeley. "i took a samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1129177331241978362005-10-12T21:20:00.000-07:002005-10-12T21:22:11.246-07:00ramblings of a childi haven't felt healthy and aware in nearly five days. what gives, god? you think you're soooo funny. and you are. but still, what gives? i'm good for nothing but blogging right now. i'm not even good for watching t.v. since it makes my eyes scream. blogging and eating this cookie here. that's about as much as i can do. i'm starting to forget what it was like to not be aching, samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1129059499783063132005-10-11T12:31:00.000-07:002005-10-11T12:38:19.790-07:00i only see the chocolate partshort girl: "let's not try to justify something like this, ok?"tall girl: "who's trying to justify? i'm just telling you my pattern of thinking, my line of logic in doing it."short girl: "ya, well, it was nasty."tall girl: "i just think different rules apply when you drop something like chocolate...or a burrito."samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1128305601956368032005-10-02T19:13:00.000-07:002005-10-02T19:13:21.963-07:00of lilies and camphorthe lsat is over for the october first mountain climbers, and so is my trilogy of luck-to-jenny postings. while she's been away, i've made optimum use of her desk, bed, and rollie chair. i admit i did not touch her shelf because the "damage" would have not only been unforgivable but also irreparable. the first night she was gone, i was taken with an overpowering desire to samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1127966517865477782005-09-28T20:59:00.000-07:002005-09-28T21:01:57.870-07:00luck to jenny (take three)today was a beautiful day. i had no trouble getting up and going to the library. except i came home and crashed into a great nap after lunch. i also stole the micro book from the library. i hope no one else in the class is without a book, because we have a midterm tomorrow. in fact, i stole it precisely because we have a midterm tomorrow. it's justified in my mind, and samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1127410759636840472005-09-22T10:36:00.000-07:002005-09-22T10:40:55.293-07:00luck to jenny (take two)photographers have this strange kinship with the photos they take. even if it's only snapshots they took when their brother in law took them sailing. he'll be asked months later, "were you there when we went sailing?" and he'll say, ofcourse i was, i took all the pictures. "aw, it's a shame you're not in any of them." and he'll get real surpised and say he's in the samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1126846943160878922005-09-15T22:00:00.000-07:002005-09-15T22:02:23.166-07:00luck to jenny (take one)jenny says i've become mean since my return from summer vacation and i believe her. then again, she's the first to agree that being nice is meaningless, almost fake. "why do i have to be nice?" i remember her saying when tina thought she didn't like her. aw, i miss tina. today i saw a girl that looked like her, and i was overwhelmed with a desire to run up to her and ask samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1125637159848536902005-09-01T21:55:00.000-07:002005-09-01T21:59:19.876-07:00a saint in every dreamaugust has come and gone and left us. once again. and it's been a while since i posted, which is normal i guess. it's hard to write here coherently; i'm always tempted to not flow, not make sense, not make it into an actual journal. then again, you might say, i already don't make sense and don't flow, to which i have nothing to say.classes are interesting enough, but samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1123394451068437452005-08-06T22:45:00.000-07:002005-08-06T23:00:51.076-07:00crepevinesaturday has left us very quickly. starting out with buckwheat noodles, and ending with shea it isn't so foot cream. for softness, not for foot disease. apparently, rockridge is down college, past the regular college things. they just like to call themselves something different. maybe the further down you go, the more expensive the cups of coffee get, but it was still cute.i have to samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1123054216989254962005-08-03T00:24:00.000-07:002005-08-03T00:30:16.993-07:00source domainwell, here i am again, on jenny's laptop. this only means that i have a paper due in less than 24 hours, and i'm looking at ungodly hours right in the nostrils. at first, i thought her background was a lassie looking dog looking down, and i laughed a little, not knowing why this was somehow funny. after about ten minutes, i realized it's because of the shadow of another dog behind samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1122878306800399242005-07-31T23:36:00.000-07:002005-07-31T23:42:48.160-07:00goodbye NWIlike millions of people around the world, my parents said goodbye to news world international today. an objective canadian channel devoted to in-depth pieces about world issues, politics. it was, in essence, the voice and eye of a world left otherwise blind and deaf. i hope sy safronsky is crying somewhere in north carolina, because this is a sad day for them all. us all. a politician samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1122314763208111612005-07-25T11:05:00.000-07:002005-07-25T11:06:03.213-07:00nms jm slmty and dalidali looks at you, and he doesn't look so bad today. he may be on much more drugs than i am, but he looks at me and i know him today. life is funny in his own way today, and not much is making too much sense. my notes on the wall right below his face, don't say much more than his eyes. i always thought he was fleeting, but now i'm overtaken with an overwhelming assurance thatsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1121791676146052632005-07-19T09:39:00.000-07:002005-07-19T09:47:56.153-07:00naturalizedlast night as i was going to sleep, a few very clear things came to mind. first, that jenny's dad should have just said "la ba" and i would have understood.second, that i really really miss my bracelet. it can't be replaced.third, the weekend two years ago that jenny went home for her oath. it was the weekend of the shooting stars, which also can't be replaced. i'm filled with an samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1121215945258818572005-07-12T17:52:00.000-07:002005-07-12T17:52:25.263-07:00are you drawing me?she's ranting meaningful phrases in her delerium, bringing her closer to the essence of that other world with which i'm ever so familiar. chocolate, bed, water, book, wastebasket. what more do you need?samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1119464179832508292005-06-22T11:33:00.000-07:002005-06-22T11:34:09.050-07:00since you've been gonekelli sprints across document deli every day to open the door for the delivery boy, whose hair is a different colour every day. kelli is a tall man. very meticulous. he likes things in order, and he doesn't like surprises.i had a dream about conor last night. for those of you who don't recall, he was our very drugged up angry neighbor who had high blood pressure despite all samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1115760801189689442005-05-10T13:49:00.000-07:002005-05-10T14:33:21.233-07:00speechlesspedersen's last lecture was heartfelt. he did silly things. he threw handfulls of candy at the crowd while saying, "i will not be held responsible for this!" the "craziest" we've seen him get all term long. he talked about his philosophy. talked about his craze for ingredient labels. told us to get outside and enjoy the gorgeous weather.then,..ten minutes before the end, he said he samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1115503622084546022005-05-07T14:57:00.000-07:002005-05-07T15:07:02.090-07:00as the man across the way trims his bonzai treeyou know, i was just thinking, if i weren't so against it, i'd love to go into the world of advertising. it's so promising, because you could go in any direction you wanted. and i feel like it's such a strong type of artwork, because it has to be concise, it was to get to you very quickly.last night i had a dream that my mom was very angry at me. samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1115402192034021802005-05-06T10:31:00.000-07:002005-05-06T10:56:32.070-07:00no longerthese cookies are really good. and nothing will ever replace snail mail for this reason. even if it was a regular letter on regular paper, it's that assurance that only a little while ago, someone very far away was holding it in their hands. and they sent it away thinking of you. and that thought is suddenly tangible. and how rare is that.pedersen tells us to relax. i can't say goodbye samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1115010184273870642005-05-01T21:59:00.000-07:002005-05-01T22:03:04.273-07:00thoughtwhich one shall i make my law?will it be pigment or will it be light?samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1114648733636122022005-04-27T17:17:00.000-07:002005-04-27T17:38:53.636-07:00for hollyi made a bowl at twelve thirty yesterday. clay was hard as hell. had dry little bits all over it. looked terrible. when i was centering, it had lumps on the bottom.but i went with it. tried to talk to it. convince it that i really saw something in it. i saw it being made but i was shocked. it was straight. i didn't have to take anything off it. it was natural. it wasn't trying. then i samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1114451350178584002005-04-25T10:38:00.000-07:002005-04-25T10:49:10.180-07:00dreamthis morning, right before my alarm went off, i was having this crazy dream. which i am beginning to forget already, so i have to put it down here. and i type faster than i write, so this is it.i was somehow put into a coop again, which i didn't like at all. it was a regular sized room, but my roomate was this guy who always wore a green shirt with a coat that changed colors. the coat didn'tsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1113976147003438822005-04-19T22:47:00.000-07:002005-04-19T22:52:07.213-07:00on a tuesday at thatthe poem on today's writers' almanac is by emerson. monday's was good. it was about americans.on sunday, i went with nikolai and kevin to buy a cello from this lady. she was a nasty old woman in a really nice house. very curt. very nice house. nikolai's taking up the cello again after eight years of being without. it was apparently the two cello concertos at SF symphony that samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1112655270105966862005-04-04T15:46:00.000-07:002005-04-04T15:54:30.106-07:00birthingit's a beautiful thing when the deamons leave. this must be why mothers love life. it's really a moment of ecstasy. this must be why it makes it all worth it. this must be why they say they regret nothing. how can they. after all they've been through. after all they've been given.maybe you have no idea what i'm talking about. and maybe i don't fully know either. but only because i samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1111550408215445512005-03-22T19:56:00.001-08:002005-03-22T20:02:47.613-08:00scattered and sinfulsaturday night was new years eve and after coming back from my aunt's house, my mom and i stayed up until 4.30 drinking wine and eating pistachios. o and we watched sina nap, although in his defense he did wake up just in time. i can't believe i was tipsy for welcoming in the new year. don't laugh. it's terrible. what's even worse is that the whole day after i was all woozy samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1111015713602141842005-03-16T15:00:00.000-08:002005-03-16T15:28:33.606-08:00foundit's wednesday, and it feels like a thursday that has been delayed to a saturday since yesterday it felt like a friday.this week, i've been trying to find items that belong on the new year's "spread." i went to solano in search of pastries and flowers and let's admit it, a little khosh 'o besh. i didn't find flowers or that much khosh o' besh, but i found pastries, which i was happy with. samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1110564909369485802005-03-11T10:13:00.000-08:002005-03-11T10:15:09.373-08:00twelveso it's been twelve years since my famiy has been here. i sat up in bed this morning and didn't know whether i should be glad or not. should i even go through the usual trials and tabulations that come with reflections of such a day? sure, i can recount it hour by hour, as it happend in such a confused blurred eight year old fashion. but let's not. the number is well over half my life now, samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1110179268986390272005-03-06T23:07:00.000-08:002005-03-06T23:08:16.976-08:00the day i taught you how to weave hempit's sunday, and i should be solving problem sets. but i was just thinking about those times in life when you just have to take people's words for what they are. maybe for more than what you thought they were. and it isn't as if there was no other way. it isn't as if you had no other choice than to believe them. on the contrary, there's no reason as to why samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1109041991096316042005-02-21T18:35:00.000-08:002005-02-21T19:13:11.096-08:00try to hold on tomy desk is clear at last. it's something to get used to, as in i unconsciously try to clutter it with things that don't belong on it.this weekend has been a series of quiet moments and rare concentrations. for once, the times that i did study were not wasted. i was focused and it wasn't forced. suffice it to say that i was not as quick as i would have liked to be, but at least i samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1108704378622689472005-02-17T21:29:00.000-08:002005-02-17T21:29:09.183-08:00why i'm lowsy1. i'm getting sick and tired of having a weak immune system and it's all my own fault2. i'm still sick3. i won't get better as fast as i'd like4. it was so windy today, i wanted to die5. i can't drink any coffee6. i can't take any walks7. i have a tabkhal! for the first time ever in my life8. my phone won't delete messeges that have been marked "deleted"9. the review session i triedsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1108437105988167102005-02-14T18:41:00.000-08:002005-02-14T19:13:33.093-08:00bed riddeni've been told that i should blog in my hours of delerium; that it's amusing, bemusing, and entertaining to say the least. and while it may seem like i was more gone last night than i am now, rest assured, it's still there.although, all the realizations and epiphanies i had last night and all day today seem to dissipate just now that i try to put them down. i thought for a while that i samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1108015362659634762005-02-09T21:36:00.000-08:002005-02-09T22:07:59.056-08:00wicked wednesdays
happy new year. last night being new year's eve, jenny and i went out in search of fish, because you have GOT to eat fish on new year's. just like ours'. i called my mom and told her about all the things you've GOT to do, and after each one, she promptly got excited and said, "just like ours!!" to which jenny replies, "see, everyone's chinese." :) i shake my head, my fist, and samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1107843783813037502005-02-07T21:18:00.000-08:002005-02-07T22:23:03.813-08:00phases me
i'm waiting for the shower to open up.
lys is here, talking about his "general discourse on anger." he was talking about distressing issues concerning his friend. what i like best about lys is that none of this phases him. none of anything will ever get him bogged down too much to help. he won't ever be too broken to be of use. kudos to that.
shower open now. and i'm sure my typing issamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1106591378201428962005-01-24T10:17:00.000-08:002005-01-24T10:29:38.203-08:00dear brothers
you walked out that night not knowing
you'd come back someone else's kid;
you'd come back sullen and mistook.
no matter how much one can say look ahead, look out
no minds
wrapping around the future bends.
How could you?
You, who was to know better at last;
who was to prove the mass idea wrong.
from cradle to crane
i'm grateful to have known you
in your hour of all knowing samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1103321882235120262004-12-17T14:10:00.000-08:002004-12-17T14:18:02.236-08:00hemiacetals
i'm in ucsf library right now. i am to go downstairs and pick up lots of articles as no one has been coming here from publ health library for two and a half weeks now. i kinda wandered over here, and i thought i'd drop a line.
finals were childbirthing, and i now have postpregnancy depression. it's a common syndrome, really. the baby may be perfectly healthy, the dad completely samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1102785280763291922004-12-11T09:09:00.000-08:002004-12-11T09:14:40.763-08:00from today's http://writersalmanac.org
The Poet's Occasional Alternative
I was going to write a poem
I made a pie instead it took
about the same amount of time
of course the pie was a final
draft a poem would have had some
distance to go days and weeks and
much crumpled paper
the pie already had a talking
tumbling audience among small
trucks and a fire engine onthe kitchen floor
everybody willsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1102547656449259052004-12-08T13:44:00.000-08:002004-12-08T15:14:16.450-08:00man with the green bag
there's an eighty year old man in the public health library who carries with him his whole life in two suitcases. he falls asleep a lot, and my footsteps usually stir him awake. he got up for a drink of water momentarily when i was up there yesterday, and i gave into the curiosity that has been gnawing at me for a long time and i went over to his little desk to see what samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1100762355207368742004-11-17T23:09:00.000-08:002004-11-17T23:19:15.206-08:00the day breaks
my roomate is sleeping. have you ever watched people while they sleep? i mean, not for long, because then it's creepy. but inbetween tedious sentences about cardiac output, i wonder where she is. last time ryein was sleeping, i remember watching him thinking the same thing. they always look so characteristic. you can't lie when you're sleeping. not that they would while awake, butsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1099950732552185552004-11-08T13:32:00.000-08:002004-11-08T13:52:12.553-08:00I NEVER GAVE YOU THAT LETTER
i'll know my song before i start singing.
lou just came in and turned down my stereo cuz she thought i was sleeping. the blackboard above my head says so, she pointed out.
tonight, i'm going to make wholewheat bittersweet chocolate walnut oatmeal cookies. then i'm going to practice writing persian. then i'm going to make cranberry rice. today is the combination of samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1099598461561838392004-11-04T12:00:00.000-08:002004-11-04T12:01:01.590-08:00"A HARD RAIN'S A GONNNA FALL"
that song was going through my head all day yesterday. even before i burst into tears as someone asked me how i am. my mom called me to make sure i wasn't "getting distracted" by the election. she said this is the way it's always been. they got what they wanted, and that i should be glad they didn't cheat this time. she told me to make myself some tea. that she was samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1098333842266084072004-10-20T21:21:00.000-07:002004-10-20T21:44:02.266-07:00listening to downstairs
what better time to post than after a midterm. ochem midterm. i came out a little less drained and defeated than usual. my favorite reaction was on there. that one with the protecting group attacking a carbonyl group. strange to say protecting group would attack. i guess it just attaches. like a mother to a baby.
the rains are gone. woe is me. now that i have time to samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1097513947964923842004-10-11T09:23:00.000-07:002004-10-11T10:06:14.083-07:00/THE STAR IS SHOT AND MAN FORGOT/
i was going to comment on sina's blog about The Sun being sad and depressing, but i had too much to babble on about sadness, so i thought, hey, post. and really, i was going to post about sadness today anyway, so good timing sina.
true that sy safronsky makes me cry. makes me choke up at the very least. true that from cover to cover, the magazine is filled withsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1097128193121541232004-10-06T21:54:00.000-07:002004-10-06T22:49:53.120-07:00oddities
what do you say to him on his birthday? i can only think of mentioning the weather. the trees...how they're colored redorange almost these days. only about the onset of october. only about the fog in the hills. and although he understands the trees in october better than he would understand some sappy cliche thoughts... i still wonder year to year, what if i can think of a way to say itsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1096140330246819062004-09-25T11:53:00.000-07:002004-09-25T12:30:29.723-07:00she came through the bathroom window
patrick once said that i will get a digital camera someday, that will change my life. by accident. hm, not sure why that came to mind. but i hope a mini shovel will change the "garden" in the back. and i hope that gold pencils will lead to gold drawings.
why does moffit open at 1:00 pm on weekends? do they think all of us are hungover and will not get out ofsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1095500722919062312004-09-18T02:45:00.000-07:002004-09-18T02:47:17.916-07:00"she said she'd always be a dancer"
"sunday's on the phone to monday. tuesday's on the phone to me...."
i sat in on searle's philosophy of the mind class on thursday. he reminded me of dundes, except he was more complicated. he mumbled just as much. went on as many tangents as dundes did. i'm sure someone who knows both these two crazy men would argue that i can't even compare the two. for samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1095056870655042132004-09-12T23:08:00.000-07:002004-09-12T23:27:50.656-07:00FARMERS AT HEART
the walk i went on tonight was with a different company. and really, before any porches, any windows into random people's lives, and before the windy streets, the company is what makes the walk. we found an apple tree bursting with apples and two persimmon trees, both very unripe. we made note of each house, so that we can go back to them sometime. every time we tried to attemptsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1094775209050461432004-09-09T16:32:00.000-07:002004-09-09T17:14:17.156-07:00I'M A BAD PERSON
the other day i ellbowed a guy in the balls by mistake. yea. well. leave it to beaver. i was in one of the big lecture halls in vlsb, and class was barely over. i went to put my desk back to its place, and the desk was loose, so it just dropped down, my arm with it. and i hear this guy behind me yell and lean forward. we were on the isle, and he had moved forward a bit to wait samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1094540795682357612004-09-06T23:25:00.000-07:002004-09-07T00:07:37.203-07:00IT'S RARELY A BREEZE
everyone should have a postcard of a black sheep standing on top of a gray/white sheep. it means more and more every day i look at it. very matter of fact and ordinary.
i was in the kitchen tonight, and the window was open. everyone was in their respective corners. there was a cool breeze that made me have one of those spur of the moment epiphonies that last only a moment samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1094324389996646232004-09-04T11:48:00.000-07:002004-09-04T11:59:49.996-07:00hey mr. tambourineman
i woke up at six today. cramps out of the first glimmer of light of day. it's almost twelve now, and i'm stable enough now to check email and whatnot.
then i saw in my mailbox a link to a news story about the siege in the russia school. i couldn't help it. i had to read it. what right have i got.
muslim guerillas? it made me so sick to my stomach, i felt like a child samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1093892331475089362004-08-30T11:27:00.000-07:002004-08-30T12:00:02.096-07:00THE SAFETY DANCE
it was my mom's birthday yesterday. all week long i was thinking of what to get for her. and everytime i concluded that there was nothing. at all. i thought of robert reich books. but would she come around to reading them? would it be personal enough? i thought of plants and planters. will she like the ones i got? i thought of that one really cool chair at that one really cool samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1093141799545265902004-08-21T19:25:00.000-07:002004-08-21T19:36:00.530-07:00BACK IN THE USSR
Before anything else, i apologize for the yellow. god, it hurts my eyes to check my own comments. i just want it mango colored. is that so hard, mr. maaaan?
i'm back. in town. in long beach. in los al. quite the difference if you're coming from the hussle and bustle of cities. how do these people live without public transportation? and then i recall the freeways. what a conceptsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1092419362309722362004-08-13T08:57:00.000-07:002004-08-15T09:51:04.406-07:00i smell like my mom's boss
yesterday, cyrus drove my mom's car to work, and today, the car smells of his cologne. it overpowers any shampoo, any deodorant, and perfume i'm wearing.
i've got another title for a potential book. only to follow "the anatomy of a cello" and "life's carcinogens" ofcourse. third one:
"as the world laughs at an angry clown."
hm, perhaps too long for a book title. maybesamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1092257702019368242004-08-11T13:18:00.000-07:002004-08-11T13:55:02.020-07:00school's out for...the school
when i got out of my final today, i called my mom to tell her i got a 95 on my last paper. she said "oh, so you should always not work hard. then you'll get A's." then she quoted 3rd rock laughing, "if you go to a good school, you will only feel stupid." right she is. all the same would it kill her to be satisfied once in a while?
and then they wonder why everyone samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1091728531019417892004-08-05T10:18:00.000-07:002004-08-05T10:55:31.020-07:00on sneezing
in the persian culture, with all its sayings and superstitions, one of them says that when you sneeze once, you have to stop whatever you're doing. stop dead in your tracks and consider what you are about to do. but only if you're starting something. and only if you sneeze once. so remember, always sneeze twice and always be in the middle of something when you're going to sneeze.
samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1091672810355990912004-08-04T18:44:00.000-07:002004-08-04T19:32:19.546-07:00A MOMENT AND ITS ETERNITY
Henri Cartier-Bresson died this last monday. he was the epitome of a candid photographer. he was 95. he's my hero in photography. they say he "himself brought to the medium the eye of a painter and the temperament of a philosopher." if you look at his shots he has such an amazing style. he combines the best composition of the frame possible with such urgency and samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1090958973131356482004-07-27T12:39:00.000-07:002004-07-27T13:10:37.750-07:00ALLO
hsin answers phones during lunch, because he thinks no one is in the office. and then to whoever is calling, i hear him say, "yaa...i'm the oooonly one here...all gone. ya,..to lunch. mhm...no, nothing's wrong, they're just out to lunch....ya...no, i did NOT fire everyone!" the other guy always feels sorry for him. poooor head honcho has to answer his own phones?
i laugh into his office samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1090796042598359242004-07-25T15:49:00.000-07:002004-07-25T15:54:02.596-07:00FORGET THIS IN AN HOUR
my friends don't understand meif i don't find an example of false cause fallacy in two minutes, i'm going to explodethe cats are never nervous, that's just sillyt.s. eliot and edward gorey were fine friendswhen i say tree, don't say tree, say treekubi was wrong: plastic melts.samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1090514356136464102004-07-22T09:17:00.000-07:002004-07-22T09:46:31.326-07:00ESPERANZA IS HOPELESS
i call her up and ask her if she can tell me where i stand with my n-400 application, and she gives me nothing. said "this is NOT an information line. you can't just ask me to give you information." i've been writing them more letters in the last six months than i have all my friends put together in the last two years. you call the info line, it gives you a fax number tosamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1089153119638039842004-07-06T14:30:00.000-07:002004-07-06T15:31:59.636-07:00TIERRA REJADA RD.
yesterday, i drove my mom and my grandma to moorpark. long drive. i was surprised my mom let me, considering she clings to the car door/ceiling if she's not the one driving. it's amazing how sensitive one can get to her arm slooowly reaching for the door handle out of the corner of one eye. it was fun. freeways, nice place to visit, nightmare to live on.
we went to the farm. samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1088791646002859722004-07-02T10:46:00.000-07:002004-07-02T11:09:20.700-07:00AT 11:11 AM
erica's lungs get checked out by a doctor to make sure her cold virus has nothing to do with TB and they find out she has a partially collapsed lung.
i'm sure she'll be fine.
it's hot here.
how's your weekend going? lots of cooking, hopefully.
paragraph from "a very old man with enormous wings" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez:
"The most unfortunate invalids on earth came in search of samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1088195622886449692004-06-25T11:01:00.000-07:002004-06-25T13:35:13.506-07:00A.K.A THE GRAND RUSSIAN SADNESS
christina is a funny gal. hardly a gal, i think she's around thirty or so. she's so funny. her romanian accent is 50% of what's great about her. whatever she says becomes automatically either a wise saying, a poem, or a joke. the other day we were eating lunch and she says out of nowhere, "what do you call the husband of a female sheep?" i laughed and said ram.
i samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1087853879300977412004-06-21T14:19:00.000-07:002004-06-21T14:37:59.300-07:00FIRST DAY OF SUMMER CLASS
if eric becomes a lawyer, it will be a sure sign that justice can work in this world, because he'll more than compensate for all the evil corrupted ones. i hope hope soo hope he does.
for the life of me, i can't listen to a friend's advice about how i should stop watching the news. it's detrimental to my overall health.
father's day was great up to 10 pm at which samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1087327856964448482004-06-15T12:15:00.000-07:002004-06-15T12:30:56.963-07:00titularis that a word? titular? route being title?
it's been a year now since i've been waiting for the INS to move itself along its own beaurocracy. and i'm still stuck at the easiest step. dearest adam lied to me. he said november. and now another novemeber is just around the corner. why adam, why you gotta lie and be like, o yaaaaa, i'm gonna fit you in for this month, *wink*?
so here i am again samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1086066223784456142004-05-31T21:52:00.000-07:002004-05-31T22:03:43.786-07:00this weekend, my mom and i went to visit Moorpark, where my uncle and his two daughters are staying at my aunt's house. this is the saint aunt. she's in Iran right now. it wasn't the same without her. it was still fun though, because i hadn't hung out in close corners with my cousins since we played together as kids. they'd changed so much. we went shopping, and they weren't used to price samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1085214796877209792004-05-22T01:25:00.000-07:002004-05-22T01:33:16.876-07:00she's got everything she needs. she's an artist. she don't look back.
she can take the dark out of the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
she never stumbles. she got no place to fall.
she's nobody's child. the law can't touch her at all.
she's a hyptonist collector. you are a walking antique.
samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1084952267205099092004-05-19T00:35:00.000-07:002004-05-19T00:37:47.206-07:00it's out of all hands now. out of mine. out of gods' hands even, had they been there. maybe they were. what is it about spring semester? what haze persists over our heads? is it all attributed to the spring dragonflies that woo us to the glades?samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1084218080220682752004-05-10T12:35:00.000-07:002004-05-10T12:41:20.220-07:00time toif you have time to kill, repeat if
kill
time to kill,
then you should waste it taking this inkblot test. i think it's accurate so far. although,..it is a test...online. it's fun though.
http://web.tickle.com/tests/inkblot/authorize/register.jsp?url=/tests/inkblot/index.jsp&stay
i have a piece stuck in my head: grieg -- melodia (it sounds sad to me, big surprise)
what do you want for your samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1084092374400096062004-05-09T01:46:00.000-07:002004-05-09T01:50:37.356-07:00currently not doing: bio/chem
what's the difference between the chorion and the trophoblast. i mean if one merges from the other, isn't it really just like wardlow turning into ball? sure the street gets wider at some parts of ball, but hey, 's the same street.
diana's graduation party. i hope she doesn't kill herself drinking/ being upset in life. i wish her the best really, but i don't know samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1083308782495244162004-04-30T00:06:00.000-07:002004-04-30T00:10:33.873-07:00the only way i can do well in these classes is to escape into the mountains and study there. the quiet. i need the quiet of the pygmy trees. i need to go back there. although, it's mighty inconvenient for my mind to need that kind of blissfull silence to actually concentrate. if there's music playing, swirls start forming in my mind and i have GOT to be an active listener. if people are walking samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1083015975499864332004-04-26T14:46:00.000-07:002004-04-26T14:50:22.013-07:00currently: crying
do you ever have those days that make childhood trauma come true, or at least make a soft spot smoke like it's no body's business? i hate these days. make me feel like i haven't made any progress since i was twelve. make me recall all those days seven years ago, when i'd get flashes to the future and i'd have nightmares about such soft spots not going away.
i guess immigrationsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1081668922737102112004-04-11T00:35:00.000-07:002004-04-11T00:39:08.733-07:00currently procranstinating on: chem lab
i think i'm going to have to re-apply for citizenship since three invitations for the oath ceremony have been sent and returned to the INS. our fault for not telling them we moved. this is how dads think. who knew that government mail doesn't get forwarded along with regular mail. ok, well, maybe you did, but unfortunately we didn't.
spring semester is samnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1079253244728740032004-03-14T00:34:00.000-08:002004-03-14T00:37:13.780-08:00it's new year's day a week from today. saturday. although, it's really friday night for us, behind time on the pacific coast. i was a lot more excited last week. i was going to do all these things, which i'm sure i'll attempt to do at the last minute on wednesday after my lab exam. but for right now, i just miss cousins. cousin in japan, cousin in england, cousins down south, and those farfetchedsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1077570258954790972004-02-23T13:04:00.000-08:002004-02-23T13:07:02.543-08:00she says she says. erica says. erica says a lot of things. says to me she says if you love the truth, you'll always be happy. says to me forget about it. says it's fine the way it is, i should be grateful she says grateful. it's simple, be happy she says to be happy she says. erica says. she says she says. be happy to be she says. don't call it that she says. laughing she says how can you call itsamnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3729489.post-1076920451039132752004-02-16T00:34:00.000-08:002004-02-16T00:36:44.420-08:00too much reading to catch up on. i'm eternally behind on everything. and every time i start reading, this one song goes through my head. only when i start reading though. otherwise, the tune leaves me alone.
until the house in los al has a good garden going for it, i will NOT recognize it as home. although, what the hell, the people are what make a home, not the place. but a garden with a fig samnoreply@blogger.com0